22 Days

22 days and counting. Not so much excited. This is a first time in about 2 weeks. I thought that I was mentally prepared for the moved. I was excited, giddy, anxious.... but last night Gerard and I went to his last Softball game for the Air Force and everyone was telling us "bye", "Safe travels", "if i don't see you again have fun and keep in touch" it started to hit me. We really were moving and it's just around the corner. literally! On the ride home from the game last night i didn't talk. i started to cry. That started a long night of crying. I'd think about TX and get excited. New sites, new people, new adventure, new and different life with my husband, new puppy, a house of our own.... but then I'd think about the morning we would be leaving.... hugging mom, hugging dad and the tears started and wouldn't stop. i actually had to get out of bed and lay on the couch so i wouldn't keep Gerard up. I keep telling myself that I'll be back in 2 months when my niece is born and then for Christmas but i couldn't get that image of my hugging my parents and telling them bye out of my head. so then i thought don't tell them "bye" cause it's not appropriate anyways. I'm going to see them in 2 months so why not "see you soon" or "see you later", eh? makes sense to me.

To be honest I'm really excited the actual move. It's going to take me and Gerard to the next level. I'm so use to going to my parents for everything. I'm married and I still run to them. When we move I'm going to have to completely rely on my husband. Hello I'm married! should have doing that from the get go. but if you know me then you already know that i have been completely sheltered. I know Gerard has to feel a little left out, maybe umm discredited as a husband because I don't go running to him or relying on him like i should. actually making him feel like a husband/ provider/ protector etc. So moving will definitely be a huge advantage for our marriage.

like I said i am so excited about moving. there are so many pros. I'm just a little girl and I'm sad to be leaving my family. I told God before Gerard and I met that I willing and ready to make the sacrifices in my life and follow Him and grow.... jump in head first, but I didn't know I'd have to sacrifice my family. For most people this isn't a big deal. For me it's the biggest of all and God knows that. In my head I knew that i could never get by without my family. I couldn't handle life. I relied on them for everything. most important comfort and safety. Yep, God knows that too. I guess... no, i know He knows that I would couldn't grow, wouldn't allow myself to grow if I didn't come out from under my parents wings. I've told most people that I was suppose to be the daughter that happily has a family living next door or atleast in the same neighborhood as my parents. That's not growing. That's not trusting God and allowing Him let me grow as His child. As His child He "let me go" and trusted my parents to take care of me and give me that love, comfort and knowledge that only they could give to let me go to the next path God has laid out. Now that my parents has greatly accomplished this God has said "it's time. take everything your parents have taught you and jump from the nest. I promise you won't fall. I'll help you fly. AND I'll help you through the rough winds you'll encounter. I'll take care of you." Don't call me crazy for i have heard these words myself and with my faith I have I'll climb to the edge and without fear I'll jump and fly on my very own wings. The wings God gave me and the wings my parents helped grow and nurture.

Every time I post a blog and lay my heart out I actually see in words what's in my heart and head and it makes me feel way more comforted. I feel better about things. Stronger about them. I've always been a visual person... I need to blog more often. I start in one place and sorta end in another but it all makes sense to me. This isn't for the people who read it. It's for me. So if you do happened to read this and it doesn't make sense I'm sorry i can't help you. This is the only way I know and understand how to explain it.... to myself ;0)